Tea Party Etiquette - How To Be A Good Hostess

This is a 'loose' guide to Tea Party Etiquette, written for the 21st Century and a relaxed, informal Afternoon Tea. There are plenty of sites that will explain how a Victorian High Tea was conducted, but this is not Victorian England and we do not have butlers and maids!
We are in the pursuit of happiness...Number One: Always greet your guests with a smile! It doesn't matter if they she is an hour early or an hour late or the kitchen is on fire. Smile. You are pleased to see her. Offer to take your guest's coat or jacket and show her where the bathroom is. If you know your guest is a smoker indicate where she may smoke outside - well away from the tea table. Provide an ashtray and a couple of chairs. Smokers are used to it, don't worry. As your guests arrive, introduce them to each other with a pertinent comment. "This is Mary, she just moved in next door," or "This is Elizabeth, she's the writer I told you about." Give people a little information about each other. It will start the conversation ball rolling. Graciously accept any gifts or food that your guest may have brought, adding any cakes etc., to the tea table. Even if her cheescake looks like a train wreck, keep smiling! Cut it into small slices and place it one the table.
Conversation
It is not 'done' to talk about sex, politics, religion or diseases!Hopefully you haven't chosen a mix of people with completely the opposite views on politics. It will end up in an argument, and this is not the point of an afternoon tea. It will be very difficult too, if you invite close friends, who have opposite views. Make it plain - there will be NO discussions about politics or religion, sex or diseases! You must be the mediator and arbitrator of any heated discussion. Smile, don't take sides, and steer the conversation away from the contentious subject.
Tea Party Etiquette - Everyone Has Arrived!
For an informal afternoon tea "seat yourself" is best. You take the head of the table and if someone is having a birthday or is a Special Guest she will take the opposite end. Your teapots are already filled and you will carry them out to the table. Pour each person's tea by removing the cup from the table and pouring away from your guest, then start handing out sandwiches. Never lean over your guest with a boiling hot pot of tea! If it is a large party, hopefully you will have some help! A buffet setup is best for over eight people. Good friends always help each other.
Tea Party Etiquette - The Correct Way To Pour Tea
Remove your guest's cup and saucer from the table and pour the tea from behind her. This is if you have used tea bags.If you have used loose tea, place a strainer on top of your guest's cup and pour while it is to her right on the table and close to the edge. Any leaves collected in the strainer can be put into the slop bowl. If outside, just throw them behind you! This can avoid anyone getting burned. Fill the cup 3/4 full, to allow space for milk, which your guest should add herself, along with any sweetener. Your guest will probably replenish her cup herself. She can put the dregs into the slop bowl.
Tea Party Etiquette - When Serving Lemon with Tea..
... it is proper to use lemon slices, not wedges. Provide a lemon fork (try and find one these days!) for your guests, or the tea server can neatly place a slice in the tea cup after the tea has been poured. When your tea cup is empty, discard the dregs, including the lemon slice, pour fresh tea, and add a fresh slice of lemon. Be sure never to add lemon with milk since the lemon's citric acid will cause the proteins in the milk to curdle.
Tea Party Etiquette - The Proper Way to Use a Napkin!!
Using the napkin at formal occasions is a delicate affair. It is meant only to be dabbed at the lips and should not get dirty in the process. The purpose of nearly all aspects of table manners is to preserve cleanliness and proper appearance. As soon as you are seated, remove the napkin from your place setting, unfold it, and put it in your lap. When you leave the table at the end of the meal, place your napkin neatly next to your plate.
Tea Party Etiquette - If You Run Out of Cakes & Sandwiches...
...and everyone has had two or three whole sandwiches each and a slice of cake or two. Don't worry. That's it. This is afternoon tea.On the other hand, if you have enough cake left over to offer your guest a slice to go, you can use a paper plate and some clear film for her to take it home.

You may also be interested is the following pages:
Here is our guide to tea party table settings.
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